This is the best restaurant review I have ever read.
This place is BAWLIN' yo. Chicken nuggitz be crispy like you never SEEN. I tasted one and I was like "WHAAAAT! Are you serious Wendy?" Mean girls workin the friers, tho. This one chick wouldn't even let me holla. I was like "please you ugly anyway."
About a year ago, my "songs about food to the tune of popular songs" career peaked with a little diddy about McDonald's Chicken McNuggets set to the tune of "I Can Tell" by the 504 Boyz (hear the NSFW original). Obviously, it was called "I Can Tell (U Want a Nug). I chopped and spliced the original song together to create an instrumental version over which my friend and I attempted to record lyrics after consuming some Smirnoff Source alcoholic water. A music video script was also written, but this never came to fruition.
What's the point of all this? At the time, we thought an R&B song and video about McNuggets was a clever idea without commercial merit, although I would have loved to see it through. Silly food advertising is a dream of mine if you haven't figured that out by now. Lo and behold, McDonald's just released a commercial to the exact same effect, thus sending one more of my dreams down the tubes.
Aside from the fact that I am beside myself now that I have realized that this ridiculous idea of mine was a home run, I am convinced that my song had a better message. The McDonald's song asks, "R U dippin' on me?" and is based around jealousy and greed. My song, on the other hand, is based around a young, dynamic couple with a shared passion for McNuggets. Take a look:
"I Can Tell (U Want a Nug)" - Copyright 2007 Nathan Rogers
CHORUS: You ain't gotta say too much From the look in your eyes I can tell you want a nug
And you ain't gotta force-feed me food Just as bad as you want a nug I want a nug too
No, No, No you ain't gotta say too much From the look in your eyes I can tell you want a nug
And you ain't gotta force-feed me food Just as bad as you want a nug I want a nug too
VERSE 1: Now you ain't gotta say much cuz I was eatin’, boo Lookin at yo’ lips got me thinkin’ ‘bout how many nugs to order to go You heard about McDonald’s combos? We get up in there and order more than a thrillion truckloads When it comes to barbecue sauce I am the boss Order me a salad that’s tossed I heard you ate that meal I see nuggets in yo’ grill Can you drive me in your blue Ford Focus So I can make nugs disappear like hocus pocus? I got no oven so I cannot cook my food Make it fast and tastin’ good Get a couple of yum yums Shove it in your mouth ‘cause it’s a nug And uh, hit me on my pager if you want ‘em Its nugget passion So get up on it if you want ‘em yum, yum!!!!
CHORUS
VERSE 2: Pile ‘em on the counter in the kitchen now baby Sausage biscuit is a day dream Drippin’ with syrup fa sho, chewing it over Large fries’ll be the next thing I wanna eat them nuggets all night long From sun up to sun down and even in Hong Kong
CHORUS
VERSE 3: Can I light a candle And eat nugs on a table where the light won’t show? I'll take my time and eat ‘em slow I'll do my own exercises Part of a healthy diet It's so very pleasurable I'll eat salads, you won’t though That’s OK, yo Now I wanna eat some more
CHORUS
So, there you have it. Another advertising gem that never saw the light of day. If an Of Montreal song about Outback Steakhouse can captivate viewers, maybe it's time to brush the dust off my song about KFC Famous Bowls set to the tune of "Age of Consent" by New Order.
Don't worry, I ate a 10-piece McNuggets meal after I wrote the first draft of this. You know, for consistency's sake.
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