"Viral" videos for Domino's Pizza

Call me a muck-raker. Blame it on the fact that I was too tired to eat anything exciting last night. Either way, here's this video of some jackasses messing with food in the back of a Domino's Pizza. This is particularly intriguing to me since I went to college in Ypsilanti, MI (here's a song about it) where the first Domino's Pizza was established.



This is certainly on topic for my "low-brow food" theme.

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Nannerpuss

I know this is old news and you've already seen it, but I really have to acknowledge how much I love the Denny's "Nannerpuss" commercial.



The Perlorian Brothers, the guys who made it, are obviously geniuses and I would probably take a job from them if they offered it to me. Just sayin'.

An Angry (and confused) Whopper

When people ask me what an Angry Whopper is, I explain to them that an onion was abused with spices and other devious measures during its formative days in the soil and is here for revenge, or at least that's what my TV tells me. What doesn't make sense about this (among many things) is that half of the onions on the Angry Whopper had no detectable spice. The jalapeños sure did though, and boy is there a lot of mayo Angry Sauce.


Oftentimes in our lives, confusion makes us act out in anger. In the case of the Angry Whopper, I am just confused. Sure, it is delicious (no small feat for the vaporized grease pushers at Burger King), but I don't really feel like I "know" the Angry Whopper. I have consumed one on two separate occasions -- One with a meal, and one as an a la carte sandwich for the whopping big price of $4.02 -- and I still don't get it.

Some bites of the Angry Whopper taste exactly like its well adjusted Whopper sibling, which makes sense since the receipt I was given reads 1 SC WHOPCHZ 3.89 PLUS ANGRY(!) 0.60. Others treat you with the sweet burn of jalapeños. My virgin bite of an Angry (I'll call it this for brevity's sake for here on out) tasted completely normal and I found myself wondering if I had been slipped the wrong burger or if I had developed an extremely high tolerance for spice. As I ate on, randomly placed jalapeños added some hot surprises with intensity that grew stronger as the burger diminished. Bite to bite, though, the experience is hardly consistent, which I suppose is true of anger itself.

It's worth taking a look at the Angry's ingredients, in prioritized order as seen on the Burger King web site.

Angry Onions: The first time I ate an Angry, I was convinced that the "spicy onions thing" was a total lie. The only angering thing about them was that they suffered from that problem you have with onion rings where you take a bite and the onion comes out, leaving a fried shell behind. During my second Angry experience, I hand-picked an Angry Onion for solo consumption. The first bite tasted like the onion ring nub it resembled, but the second bite actually had some spice. Confusing!
Jalapeños: It's hard to mess these up. They're spicy and sweet with a burn that increases as you eat more of the Angry. My only complaint is that their haphazard placement leads to inconsistent heat.
Pepper Jack Cheese: My friends know that I hate at least 88% of the cheese on the market. For a pure taste test, I left the cheese on and it either is completely flavorless, is pretty damn good, or is masked by all of the other "fixins."
An Angry Sauce: I was convinced that my first Angry was just topped with plain old mayonnaise. So were my hands, my face and my notes. The sauce was everywhere and I wasn't even recklessly chomping. After I was told about "An Angry Sauce" (why "an"?????) I made sure to take note of it during my second spiral into anger. As far as I can tell it tastes like sweet BBQ sauce.

For some reason, Burger King does not highlight the fact that there is bacon on this thing. Perhaps it's because there is barely any present. When I first looked at the Angry, before eating it, I thought I saw a piece of bacon. But as I continued to eat, I was convinced that I had seen a funny-looking onion. My notes even say something like "I thought a piece of onion was a piece of bacon. Fail." Later on, I discovered a two-inch strip of bacon. There definitely needs to be better bacon coverage on the Angry.

So, after we've all calmed down and had some time to think, do we care enough about the Angry Whopper to forgive its quirks? Absolutely. It's fast food, so it's imperfect but absolutely delicious.

McNuggets Lovin': I have the best ideas special edition

About a year ago, my "songs about food to the tune of popular songs" career peaked with a little diddy about McDonald's Chicken McNuggets set to the tune of "I Can Tell" by the 504 Boyz (hear the NSFW original). Obviously, it was called "I Can Tell (U Want a Nug). I chopped and spliced the original song together to create an instrumental version over which my friend and I attempted to record lyrics after consuming some Smirnoff Source alcoholic water. A music video script was also written, but this never came to fruition.

What's the point of all this? At the time, we thought an R&B song and video about McNuggets was a clever idea without commercial merit, although I would have loved to see it through. Silly food advertising is a dream of mine if you haven't figured that out by now. Lo and behold, McDonald's just released a commercial to the exact same effect, thus sending one more of my dreams down the tubes.

Aside from the fact that I am beside myself now that I have realized that this ridiculous idea of mine was a home run, I am convinced that my song had a better message. The McDonald's song asks, "R U dippin' on me?" and is based around jealousy and greed. My song, on the other hand, is based around a young, dynamic couple with a shared passion for McNuggets. Take a look:

"I Can Tell (U Want a Nug)" - Copyright 2007 Nathan Rogers

CHORUS:
You ain't gotta say too much
From the look in your eyes
I can tell you want a nug

And you ain't gotta force-feed me food
Just as bad as you want a nug
I want a nug too

No, No, No you ain't gotta say too much
From the look in your eyes
I can tell you want a nug

And you ain't gotta force-feed me food
Just as bad as you want a nug
I want a nug too

VERSE 1:
Now you ain't gotta say much cuz I was eatin’, boo
Lookin at yo’ lips got me thinkin’ ‘bout how many nugs to order to go
You heard about McDonald’s combos?
We get up in there and order more than a thrillion truckloads
When it comes to barbecue sauce I am the boss
Order me a salad that’s tossed
I heard you ate that meal
I see nuggets in yo’ grill
Can you drive me in your blue Ford Focus
So I can make nugs disappear like hocus pocus?
I got no oven so I cannot cook my food
Make it fast and tastin’ good
Get a couple of yum yums
Shove it in your mouth ‘cause it’s a nug
And uh, hit me on my pager if you want ‘em
Its nugget passion
So get up on it if you want ‘em yum, yum!!!!

CHORUS

VERSE 2:
Pile ‘em on the counter in the kitchen now baby
Sausage biscuit is a day dream
Drippin’ with syrup fa sho, chewing it over
Large fries’ll be the next thing
I wanna eat them nuggets all night long
From sun up to sun down and even in Hong Kong

CHORUS

VERSE 3:
Can I light a candle
And eat nugs on a table where the light won’t show?
I'll take my time and eat ‘em slow
I'll do my own exercises
Part of a healthy diet
It's so very pleasurable
I'll eat salads, you won’t though
That’s OK, yo
Now I wanna eat some more

CHORUS

So, there you have it. Another advertising gem that never saw the light of day. If an Of Montreal song about Outback Steakhouse can captivate viewers, maybe it's time to brush the dust off my song about KFC Famous Bowls set to the tune of "Age of Consent" by New Order.

Don't worry, I ate a 10-piece McNuggets meal after I wrote the first draft of this. You know, for consistency's sake.