Pacific Shrimp Tacos

Dear Taco Bell,

I got the message. You really didn't have to call me out on national television, but I see how it is. I'll gladly respond to your invitation to eat and then blog the Pacific Shrimp Taco.



I assume you modeled your commercial after my life because you heard about the time I ate 93 shrimp. But, if you're going to spend all that money making a TV commercial can you at least put out a quality product? I wouldn't eat a pacific shrimp taco for $1.19, let alone $2.79! In fact, tonight's dinner consisted of two Pacific Shrimp Tacos and Two Volcano Tacos. The total price of $8.44 was the most I have ever spent on myself at Taco Bell in my life.

If you had played your cards right, this dinner combo could have been known as the Nate's Plate special until the end of days, but no.

You had to wrap the Mexican-seasoned shrimp in a soft shell. And you had to slather it in a tangy white sauce. Cheap seafood and mystery dairy products together?! I can't believe I drove all the way to the ATM just to get money for such a travesty.



I'll give you this, though: When I unwrapped the first Pacific Shrimp Taco, I did catch a whiff of "real" food ... something like Rio Wraps. And when my finger touched some of the orange sauce, it was delightfully spicy.

Captain's orders: If you must try the Pacific Shrimp Taco, pass on the sun-ripened mayo, and be sure to treat yourself to an XL Baja Blast. Otherwise, you can keep this one to yourself.

The legend of Thunder Crunch

Ah yes. Food package essays. They’re great because I know that if I am hungry for a delicious snack and I am having trouble making up my mind, I can just read a few paragraphs and make an informed decision. Here’s an essay found on the back of a bag of Alaska Chip Company jalapeño-flavored Volcano Chips that my beautiful and exciting girlfriend Jayme brought me from her trip to Alaska.


The essay gets even better when you replace the word “miner” with “minor” and my thoughts on the actual product follow it.


The Alaska Chip Story
People in the Matanuska Valley have long known the secret of Alaskan potatoes. Potatoes so full of crunch they aren’t grown, they’re mined [1]. Potato miners don’t seek the spotlight, you won’t see them in many headlines, they are searching for a potato so elusive, so robust, that many said it was just a story told by old sourdoughs[2, 3]. Some laughed at the potato miners, mocking their epic quest for a spud known only as “Thunder Crunch.”

For others, just hearing the words Thunder Crunch fills their hearts with fear. They blame the many earthquakes, aurora borealis and other phenomena in the Northland on these hearty vegetables [4, 5]. Some even said searching for the legendary spud should be banned, due to the many dangers involved.

In the spring of ’03, legend became reality when deep below the Matanuska Valley a rumble was heard that would forever change the way we think of chips. Thunder Crunch was discovered by the miners, and those unsung heroes have brought them to the surface to be enjoyed by everyone.

There are still those who fear the legend, but for the brave souls willing to reap the rewards of the potato miner, life just got a little better [6].

[1] Does “crunch” imply that they grow in caves, or tens of feet below the surface?
[2] This is a really great sentence.
[3] WTF is a “sourdough”? Is this really how they talk in Alaska?
[4] I thought there was only one Thunder Crunch.
[5] I thought potatoes were “tubers,” not vegetables.
[6] I disagree. Read on to see why.


The first thing you will notice about this product is its uncanny resemblance to a bag of Cape Cod Chips. I have not researched this further, but this can only mean two things: There is a chip company out there that only has factories in quirky geographic locations, or the Alaska Chip Company loves plagiarizing.

Any way, I was pretty excited about eating something with “volcano” in the name because I was such a huge fan of the short-lived Volcano Taco from Taco Bell. Although Volcano Chips were indeed delicious, the experience of consuming them was not entirely pleasant.

At first bite, they were immediately spicy, with a prominent and genuine jalapeño taste. The spice wasn’t too intense though, so the only eruption was my nose as the medium spice level caused it to run. I went through half of the 5-ounce bag (if not more) then told myself to go dormant [7].

Five minutes after consumption, there was a chive-like aftertaste in the back of my throat. This was nothing compared to the rumblings in my stomach. I was feeling nauseous and had a headache. It was like an instant hangover from the chips. I was actually dizzy. I needed a nap.

I suppose I can’t blame the chips entirely though. Prior to eating them, I had finished a breakfast which had included an “everything bagel,” a donut, some coffee and some hot chocolate.

So there you have it: Volcano chips taste pretty good, and I have terrible eating habits when I am at work.

[7] This is a volcano joke.

One man's experience with Volcano Tacos: A guest column

My friend Dan turned me onto Volcano Tacos via twitter. Though I have since become quite the VT enthusiast (I once ate five and a large Baja Blast in one sitting) I felt that it was only fair to let him review them. Here it is, with only one word changed.

When Nate, an old college friend, asked me to do a guest piece for the distinguished Nate’s Plate, I was honored, but not entirely surprised. I’ve been somewhat of a connoisseur of Taco Bell for most of my life, and considering the fact that 25% of the blood that flows through my veins is Mexican, Nate would be hard-pressed to find a more qualified reviewer.



I stumbled upon the Volcano Taco by accident while making a routine “run for the border.” Advertisements for the new menu item were plastered in every window as I pulled into the drive-through, and there was no question: I absolutely had to try one.

Although the prospect of yet another Taco Bell menu choice had me rock hard, I had almost no idea what to expect. I had yet to see a commercial for the Volcano Taco, and the drive-through posters merely displayed a large taco with some kind of colored shell. I was immediately reminded of the Big Taste Taco (a recent fourthmeal invention released with the new and improved value menus), which I found to be rather lackluster and somewhat of a gimmick. Thus, not entirely unwary, I placed my order, crossing my fingers that this wouldn’t end up being just another Bacon Club Chalupa.

My first impression upon unwrapping the Volcano Taco: it looks exactly like a regular “crunchy” taco, except it's fucking red. I knew there had to be more to the picture, however, so I fervently took my first bite. As I masticated that first mouthful, I still detected nothing setting it apart from a standard taco. But then I examined the taco’s innards. The bite I’d taking allowed me to view a vivisection of sorts, all the layers of ingredients laid bare.

All of the typical makings were present: shredded cheddar cheese on top of shredded lettuce and about a half-inch of Taco Bell’s famous seasoned beef. At this point I was sure I’d been had, until I noticed something else. Just above the beef, there appeared to be some sort of cheese sauce which had been hidden too deeply inside the taco to be included in my first sampling. Knowing this must be the secret of the Volcano Taco, its one defining characteristic, I took another bite.

The cheese sauce, or “cheesy lava sauce” as it is referred to on the restaurant’s web site, was very similar to the standard nacho cheese sauce featured in other menu items, but with a little bit of a spicy kick at the finish. Hardly comparable to sensation of putting a tablespoon of actual molten rock on my tongue, but still enough to add a bold and zesty twist.

I applaud Taco Bell for continuing to at least attempt to innovate the fast food industry. In an unstable economic climate where the trend has been rising prices and shrinking portion sizes, Taco Bell has flown in the face of convention by introducing bigger and better things at an absurdly low cost to the diner.

That being said, the Volcano Taco does not have a whole lot to offer in the way of innovation. Although not quite a gimmick, it’s certainly one of the more novel additions to the Taco Bell menu. It’s an interesting new take on the tried and true crunchy taco, and at just $.89*, there’s really no reason not to try it.

The new Volcano Taco is also currently available as part of the promotional “Big Bell Box Meal”, which includes the taco, a burrito supreme, a crunchwrap supreme, cinnamon twists, and a large drink (Baja Blast of course being the only choice for serious fourthmealers). My local Taco Bell prices this deal at $4.99, but this may vary from location to location.

* Prices may vary by location. They cost $.99 in Ferndale. -Nate