Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Dewmocracy now! Mountain Dew Revolution

A coworker approached my desk. "Nate, you'll be able to answer this question," he said. "What is that blue Mountain Dew in the vending machine?"

"!!!" I replied.

He asked if it was Baja Blast, which I had recently told him about. I replied that it was probably the end result of Mountain Dew's Dewmocracy campaign. My research indicates that Revolution (the beverage in question) was in the running, but Voltage was the real crowd pleaser. Though I have not had the pleasure of consuming Voltage yet, I could see why the Revolution was pacified.

I inserted my dollar into the vending machine, entered the coordinates of the beverage and it was dispensed to me.

I first noticed that the liquid was a blue-gray. Sort of like mop water poured into the bowl of a toilet with one of those blue dissolving bricks floating in the tank. I examined the bottle for a hint of what to expect and then I cracked the seal.

A smell identical to that of Baja Blast wafted out. It was fruity, yet musty, like the basement at Knott's Berry Farm. I was getting excited. Colleagues were stopping by my desk, asking me what the hell I was drinking.

A first sip revealed a flavor that was a cross between Baja Blast (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in the Mountain Dew family) and something at the more unique end of the Arizona brand beverage spectrum. Swishing it around my mouth, I observed a nice tingle, and a slight bitterness at the lower sides of my tongue.

Revolution's flavor is absolutely restrained. It does not live up to its potential. It builds, nearing its peak, and abruptly stops. What causes such a thing? Too much water?

The bottle claims this beverage is "Dew® Drinker Designed." There is no hyphen, confounding the rules of compound modifiers. The real Dew-Drinker is probably not familiar with ginseng, so I am not so sure it was truly designed by the consumer. The Dew-Drinkers know this. I know this, and I don't really even drink soda (with Baja Blast being an exception as an accompaniment to Volcano Tacos).

I am proud to say that the caffeine-addled constituents of the Dewmocracy campaign have voted out the correct candidate. The way the flavor fails to build is really bumming me out.

Learn about the rest of this exciting day next time with my review of the TACO SUB.


Unknown said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA..."The way the flavor fails to build is really bumming me out"

Unknown said...

"The bottle claims this beverage is 'Dew® Drinker Designed.' There is no hyphen, confounding the rules of compound modifiers."

It's almost like you're a journalism major or something.

Unknown said...

I've raided the vending machine at work of almost all of the Revolution. Someone else got the last bottle in row C3.
The taste of Revolution is easy- liquid gummy bear.
Voltage, the winner, tastes like liquid sour gummy bear. That hint of sour is Voltage's downfall, it fatigues your taste buds near the end of the bottle.
Supernova, the remaining Dewmocracy candidate is strawberry flavored and way too sweet to warrant twenty ounces.

Jordan Miller said...

Actually, the hyphen should go after "drinker": Dew Drinker-Defined. Dew Drinker doesn't need to be hyphenated.

Jordan Miller, copywriter, smug asshole and former professional journalist.