Cabo Chips: All natural gourmet corn tortilla chips -- "Taste the experience"

A bag of Cabo Chips tortilla chips ended up in the "Awesometeria," the community dining area that my nearby coworkers constructed. I overheard them saying things about "lemon juice" and "sea salt." After taking one bite of a Cabo Chip, I discovered that they were clearly talking about some sort of other food product -- one that didn't lack any hint of flavor whatsoever.

Normally, a review of tortilla chips that taste like overcooked fryer remnants would end after the 78th character of this very sentence. However, the creators of Cabo Chips think they are so great that they've written a 167-word essay that I have chosen to dissect.

"The crunchy legacy of Cabo Chips
Twenty years ago, the zesty imagination of three brothers[1] produced the idea of a snack that would change the chip world forever. Inspired by their unwavering loyalty to Cabo San Lucas and its warm sunny weather, they created the Cabo Chip -- the best corn tortilla chip you will find on either side of the border. Cabo Chips are light[2], rich in flavor[3], and the perfect complement to any dip[4].

A superior chip arrives
Cabo Chips began[5] April Fools Day[6] 2004 in a small factory[7] in Cabo San Lucas, but only a few months later, demand for the Cabo Chip was so great that we[8] had to begin production north of the border as well!

Cabo Chips are made with the highest quality ingredients, including 100% Non-GMO white corn and expeller[9] pressed oils. A unique cooking process[10] and quality ingredients result in an all natural chip with no trans-fat -- lower in fat and sodium than many leading chip brands.

Enjoy![11]"

[1] It's apparent that this phrase reads accurately: The brothers have one imagination between the three of them.
[2] A scan of the the "datos de nutrición" implies that this statement is surprisingly accurate.
[3] Wrong! The flavor is very subdued and most closely resembles overdone chips from the bottom of the fryer. Their deeper-than-normal brown tint reflects this as well.
[4] These chips are the perfect complement to any dip because they'd need an imperial gallon of guacamole to enhance their edibility.
[5] Began what?
[6] No surprise there. Maybe instead of "Taste the experience" their slogan should be "An April Fool's prank in every bag"!
[7] The back of a discerning Mexican restaurant that discarded its overcooked chips instead of feeding them to patrons.
[8] We, as in the three brothers who know not of parallel construction in writing.
[9] Something that every consumer is familiar with and has in the kitchen.
[10] Leaving them in the deep fryer for three days.
[11] No can do.

Back up to essay.

In case you're curious, satisfaction is NOT guaranteed anywhere on the bag.