Thursday, January 7, 2010

Russ has amazing lunches

What better way to return to Nate's Plate than by letting my friend Jordan do my work for me? I cannot escape Jordan. I met her while "interning" at Found Magazine. Then, she got a job across the street from the coffee shop I was known to frequent. Now, she works at the same fancy advertising agency as me. This means she also works with Russ, the man who brought us fried mung beans and sunberries. This makes Russ the most-featured man in Nate's Plate history. Jordan actually sits next to Russ and has noticed something about his lunches: They are amazing.

Dear Nate’s Plate readers,

I would like to tell you about Russ. He sits next to me and his lunches are amazing.

Sometimes I bring a sandwich. I feel rather proud of myself, because I made it. I put the condiment on the bread and it has at least two elements to it (a meat and a cheese). Sometimes, if it’s a ham sandwich, I will mix mayonnaise and Honeycup mustard. Then I feel like I am the greatest.

But this kind of satisfaction would never be enough for Russ, whose lunches come in at least three different containers. I asked him if he ever just eats a sandwich.

“On rare occasion, yeah,” he said. “Not often, though … I’m a huge fan of Zingerman’s sandwiches and that sort of stuff, but it’s hard to recreate that at home.”

Well la dee dah.

He claims that it’s because his dad bought some too-skinny bread when he was a kid and his sandwiches were always falling apart, but I don’t buy it.

I think that he just likes to rub it in my face that he gets to eat lunches like this one:


This lunch consists of homemade latkes, a delicious-looking homemade cookie bar of some sort, and a bean concoction that smells like a warm haven from the doldrums of winter.

This is my lunch:


This lunch consists of Meijer generic goldfish-like crackers, sugar-free hot chocolate, and lip gloss. And that isn’t even the original hot chocolate; I reconstituted the dregs on the bottom by adding more hot water.

Look at him, sitting at his desk by the window, smugly enjoying his satisfying bean concoction (that was quite possibly cooked by his wife, who does yoga but is not a vegetarian (update 06/2010: she IS). GOD, is there anything in Russ’s life that isn’t perfect?):

7 comments:

Bloomin' said...

Awesome scenario: You, while leaning in to admire his lunch, suddenly erupt into a series of huge wet sneezes.

"Heh, sorry." as you wipe your nose on your sleeve.

myrrisa said...
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jordanmiller said...

@Myrrisa Although we have never met, I can tell you that Russ certainly appreciates your efforts. I forgot to mention that I did, in fact, know that you made those latkes.

Also, I like that you capitalize your foods. frozen burrito doesn't have the same punch as Frozen Burrito!

myrrisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kookdukes said...

Hi i was re reading this post bc i googled my name and noticed that it says i am not a vegetarian. this is incorrect. i actually am a vegetarian and proud of it. i try hard to convert russ as you can tell from this lunch here. lol. anyway thought i would clarify. thanks, myrrisa

Nathan J Rogers said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nathan J Rogers said...

Hey Myrissa - The record has been set straight!